nani da faq with mah life?
Wednesday, June 27, 2018
@1:05 PM
Assalamualaikum...
ohayou...
Its been while guys. Im so fucked up. Let you hear up my loooooooooooong time concealed monogatari.
haha i just slept for 3 hours after i take a bath this morning.
Hen da ne?
okay why I was suddenly like this?
Actually, at first, I really miss people who really care about me. I text em everyday and say I love em and and said I really miss them so much. Here, In UiTM I really cant stop being fake stupid positive Fara...Ha Ha
since Im no longer hate myself or dealing with any depression, I kinda hate seeing everyone around me depress here and there. I was like pissed off with em, VERY MUCH. Why would people say like they are living too long and cukup amalan dah bila hidup ni haha. They always ask, they shud end their lives. DAMN THAT WAS REALLY ANNOYING. (like my sister bwerkk and my friend bwerkk they said they cant dealing with theirself tho lol)
HIDOP KENA KENTAL WEH, INGAT ALLAH TU. BKN HARAPKAN FAMILY JE. MANJA SUMA BAGAI PUIH. AKU GERAM LAMA DAH ANNOYING SIA DOWN SANA DOWN SINI. KAU IGT KAU BUAT CAM TU ORG LAGI NAK DEKAT NGAN KAU KE? ORANG TAKUT WEH TAKUT . KAU SAKIT KE KAU DOWN KE. DUNIA NI DAH LAIN WEH LAIN .
why I was saying those stuffs?
it its because when Im down, no one even came and hug me. When I was pushing myself to my limit (because thats my habit, doing work without knowing im at the edge of cliff) and almost get sick, no one pull me to bed and scold me and lemme sleep, wait until I got full rest. Then when I said i was sick they do nothing. idk la yeah people nowdays memang macam tu ...tadek common sense langsung. Puih. sorry la kalo yng baca ni terasa ke apa. Aku bkn nk kutuk org ka apa tp ni apa yg aku experience dlm hidup aku. (yang baca maybe akan cakapak like "
kau nak aku buat ape lagi? suh ni tanak suh tu tanak , ingat kiteorg nampak ke benda2 tu? "excuse me babe, cara you tak kena. Yes Im fragile as hell. You dont know me well so SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCHES.
well let just said, im not an attention seeker and I'm just being open minded. I accept peoples but I need time to accept their habits and attitudes. yeah Im a human too. I really wanna go to deep story but i'm afraid people will hate me. But I cannot hate myself because I accept my flaws. haha tbh IDK why I cannot accept peoples flaw. Maybe because I've dealing with too many people with flaws on their manners and im just being
too kind and lemme accept them and hurt me like hell. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Im so tired and wanna get outta here. Somtimes I really waana be my oldself where i would always cut myself and watch it bleeding. I wanna be alone where I can die alone without nobody cares.
I jst remember yesterday my rumie ask me ... what if i hv a chronic illness and only have a few day to live? I said im okay. They was like nani? Live..need to accept everything...ignore everything u feel pissed off with it. I actually dun wanna think too much because its bad for me. I cut everythings that makes me hurt outta my life. Like I cut out my family. I hate em but i love them. It doesnt sounds right ne? Damn I'm starting to loose myself again. rn I'm talking with miharu so maybe she could help me with that.
ok its already 12 o clock and half and its been 30 minutes since i talk to her. Yeah I told everything. and the origin is
my health. I hate to say this ... but I'm sick. I told people and I really told em not to treat me like sick people and I'm ok. But It doesnt mean that I i wanna em to ignore it because I really afraid something happen to me. I dun know what to say but since i was sick, i really care about myself than the old one. I hated em and wanna end my life lol.
so... I wanna end my speech (LOL) here with a conclusion.
I JUST NEED A LONG SLEEP.
WHERE NOBODY CAN BOTHER ME.
MORE THAN 24 HOURS.
I HOPE I WAS IN COMATOSE THAT TIME.
SO I CAN PEACEFUL SLEEP UNTIL I READY.
when I open my eyes....
i just wanna see people who really care about me, crying for their need on my existence....
okay i feel my heart is aching back. damn it. I really shd end this and start studying . damn it . Why sstudy also must be so painful?!
bye...
Fara, 1:04 PM
Labels: life