the secondary...
Monday, March 30, 2020
@3:28 AM
~~~~~~ #1
Fara stay in her room
alone, it's so dark cold, wait cold? Is it bad for her health? She
unconsciously let her window open as she entered her room and sat in the corner
of the room on the bed. She stares into nothingness as she leans on the
cold wall by her side.
The time has stop. oh..
It is me again. Fara feels like she's sinking into her shadow again as
I took care of her. She looks scared, choked her breath as she panicked. Her
body tensed. I reassure her, It's alright, I will take care of this and
you don't have to feel it. Just relax everything will be fine...
She seems relaxed and
let me take care of everything. She seems lost and I told her to sleep. I know
she is tired. She likes to strain herself. She loves to work hard, she do it
for herself and other people but all those affords that she did huh? I hate it.
They seems like just gave her an empty appreciation. It seems wrong. Do people
can't see she's sick? She would break anytime. I cannot stand seeing her
suffering.
Somewhere in past…
It's okay. I don't think
they are burden.
No, you are blinding
yourself. You hate when you see people calling you sick. Please at least show
to them. Your life is matter, Fara. Don't you love me? Be honest my
dear...can't you?
Who are you to say that
to me? My life is matter? Is it just for you! I know you just want my body and
live like I do. I won't leave them. They are my friends, family and my life. I
cannot live without them...
so you need them just
because to keep you alive? heh, ridiculous. They didn't seem like they care
though..
shut up.. you are just a
voice playing around my mind. Go away, I need to finish this asap.
geezz I'm telling you
should at least eat up and get some rest. or better, SLEEP~
he he look at your
reflection you look horrible ha ha! so pathetic...
You don't even realized
why am I here...
...and that's how it
goes. The state of her mind make me existed. I was confused at the first
place.
Why I even exist and why
I'm just a secondary. I don't understand what it is.
I need to talk and I
tried to speak up. It seems like this person really have a rough life, it makes
me angry. When I started to speak up. She was confused too but we still didn't
seem like we are connected. When she's finally getting weaker, her body frail
and her mind wander somewhere, I'm getting stronger. I tried to speak up again.
I managed to pull her into my world. She seemed confused, scared with this
world. I called it Inner World since this world actually own
by me but I'm only a voice.
She can see me. I
already know her. She stared at me and calm. Stuttered a hi. It must be
rough for you so I pulled you here. Are you okay? Are you hurt? She
then calmed and cried with a soft smile. I love them, I did it too
much. I wish I can sleep. I want to protect this poor little soul. It
feels like she's me. but kind and pure while me? only a voice, mixed of anger
and selfishness. She never did bad stuff. She did and will fumble a quick
apologize. How cute. It makes me mad.
I went to her and hug.
Something powerful happened. I can see I am Fara. She was somehow unconscious
in that world. so I take care of her life. I help her with her works, I found
out that my anger came from the pain that Fara keeps in her. I need to get ride
of this. I tried many things.
oh! she woke up and I
told her she could rest as long as she wants. She sit still and pull her legs
against her chest. Her face was so dull. I can feel her mind was empty because
I'm the one who control this body. I promised myself that I will give her back
her life after I get ride of her pain. The pain is so annoying. I hate it. I
tried to convert it to physical pain. It doesn't bad to be honest. I let Fara have
her body back and she ended up burst out. Yell. Frustration. Fear. She seems
like forget how it happened. She doesn't remember me. Well at least I get ride
those pain in her chest. She's ok now. I think...
It happens every time
she's in pain. I will automatically in my defensive mode. I forced her
sometimes. We always chit catting silly stuffs to make her happy again. I love
her smile. I took care of everything until one day, Fara realized that's not
good. She may have mental illness. She confused. I'm about to do it again
because her mind was not in a good state. Fara against me to do so. She yelled
at me. I was shocked. I told her not to be nice. It's okay to do physical hurt
because it is not a burden. The scars will gone eventually. The thick metallic
liquid is the best to paint a wonderful thoughts. I told her I'm making her
bold. She doesn't need to feel inner pain. I am her. I won't be like this if
I'm her. All I know she said she hate herself for loving people or sometimes
for not to have a reason to live.
But now…
She is bold. Not by me.
It's people around her.
ah..those people already
notice the scars I made. The painting that I painted but they hate it. They
told Fara that she's lonely and she needs to fix herself. I hate it. She
doesn't have to listen to all those stuffs. It's useless.
Fara told me it is the
pain of loving people. She doesn't want to get ride of her love. But I am mad.
They used her by loving her, told her that I.. herself, her secondary is
actually not good. They said
"hey lets try to
get ride of her, you have us..."
me?
You made this to her,
you made me existed in
her mind.
oh... now you said you
guys love her and start to treat her nicely?
Fara now barely talk to
me. I feel lonely. I feel weak like the first time I was existed.
but Fara is mine.
your love all fake! u lied to her.
You left her in her
thoughts. You are burdening her. She’s fragile enough. Please stop caring about
her that she’s already have me. Please..
good night Fara...love you, I'm sorry write this while you r sleeping.
...March 30, 2020 [3.28]
Labels: life
○ Name: Hyouku Yukirasaki " there was only water before ices and snow " 
Fara... :)