25
Wednesday, May 15, 2024
@8:25 PM
Hey Assalamualaikum,
it's been while, or I wouuld say it's beennnn years already.
It's Fara.... no one, elses is here.
did youu know akira is gone for real?
yeaah she did! I kinda cannot believed that she's gone. But it's not that bad. I gotta tste how is it to feel le anger. It's actually a bliss that i never felt before. Sokay, i no longer mourning over Akira aand Yuki absents cuz they gone for good. It just mme alone, Fara. The fullest me.
Ok there'sactually another one left, the kid named, Dyno. I called her dayin cuz it sounds cool!
ok don for personlity updates, here's goes the real update.
of coursee, I'm good, but nothing good actually at 25.My life full with surprises and uncertainty.
Here's the big deal of it.
I got bain damage at age 23, and i got carpal tunnel syndrome at age 25. Both of these physical condition required surgery. and it permanent. Guess what, i reject it!
so now i was thinking like....do i could get a secure job for someone who got serious health condition like this?
and also! what i meant by my life has been upside down is my circle totally changed 540 degree. It's all because i relapsed somewhere around sept 2023. And all i know after i snapped out of my trance, everything that was be part of me...
they...
gone
how irony i couldn't get where were we, me used to, at someone side. Or in my no longer safe circle. I... turned to another circle cuz it always felt unsafe with them.
it's gone, The one that supposed to be cared, they hurting me none stop to the point i cannot bear with it. At the end, it feels awkward.
i work yes! you must be proud of me cuz i'm proud of myself too!
that all for now. Just enduring the endless pain.
I have two following up daily physios that i cant never skip. Hopefully i can la sbb sometimes tak tahan pun.
work for money wealth and mine eand family well being.
Today's health record:-
8.20am - vomiting uuntil 9.45am
11am ++ -starting to feel groggy
4.06pm-hand hurts as hell as if they were screaming.
4.22pm- passed out (my coworker found me and helped me to wake up at 4.51pm
5.30pm - non stop doing physio for hand but nothing change, right now it's 8.14pm. It still screaming.
ok that's it, i think my physical body is curently EXHAUSTED.
I'm not. I'm just mentally done. zi still cut tho but I'm fine cuz Fara still Fara anyway. My mind calm for my physical sake. That's all.
If my mental broke down there's a big change wont physically recover so... mental need to be carefully jaga. I stopped overthink and starting to PROCRASTINATING just to calm my mind. And ALhamdulillah it works and helps me alot to fight and deal with this endless physical pain. Most likely, ENDLESS.
okie thats all bye bye gonna sleep ealy cuz my whole body is screaming, nauseous and tingling in my hand. good. Body also weak af rn werk. so annoying but i can't do anything anything about it. Just endure and... live.
unspoken pain (': stay strong Fara!
Fara, 20:22pm, Wed, 15 May 2024.
Labels: achievement, journal, life
○ Name: Hyouku Yukirasaki " there was only water before ices and snow " 
Fara... :)